Which DJ has recently been driving his own neighbours absolutely mad? During lockdown, he observed that his photos for the press, social media and so on were getting a little dated. He had changed his appearance somewhat since the original pictures were taken and wanted to refresh them.

So far, fair enough. He hired a professional photographer at significant cost – the camera wielding one saw him coming, apparently – to take some new snaps. However, he soon proceeded to do two things which got him on the wrong side of his neighbours.

The first was he insisted on changing his clothes throughout the shoot. At one point, he was in a hideous white tracksuit, prompting one of his neighbours to shout from a nearby window the words: “you think you look all that, but you just look like a t**t”.

The second was the DJ was struggling to get in the mood. So he brought out a sound system owed by a local man and proceeded to play horrendous EDM music late into the night – and “successfully p***ing off anyone in the area who had smaller children”.

I don’t think he’ll be doing community outreach any time soon…