Me, anxious? Well, possibly…

The weirdest thing happened today. A friend got in touch with me to say they were struggling to sleep last night and that it was because he was detecting a great deal of anxiety coming from yours truly.

He’s one of these people that can sense things before others even know they’re sensing them – you know the type. I told them that the rising rates of Covid-19, particularly in my own local area, were a concern, but that I wasn’t having sleepless nights about it.

And indeed I’m not. I’m staying at home as much as possible, only going out when absolutely necessary and taking all possible precautions when I do. I’ve heard enough and seen enough from friends who have caught this thing and doctors on the frontline to know I don’t fancy taking my chances against it.

That said, thinking about it, it’s having an effect on my music production. Last year, the number of streams I got on Spotify fell by around 70% on the year before. I know I frequently slag off Spotify, but it does provide metrics which aren’t as easy to come by as they should be – and a 70% drop really concerns me.

I think my music has got better in the past few years, but do the people that listen to it agree? I’m beginning to wonder. It’s got me questioning myself in a way that I normally never do, and it’s unsettling. Therefore, I’ve put quite some pressure on myself to have a great 2021 where those streams, those downloads abd ultimately my profile go upwards.

When I see the Traxsource charts these days, a lot of stuff doesn’t interest me. But there is one producer who always grabs my attention – Demarkus Lewis. He has something new out most weeks of the year and his remixes are constantly in demand.

Whilst I wouldn’t want to release quite as many tracks as he does, I would like to be a lot closer to that level than I am now. So I suppose this is something of a source of anxiety for me.

And seeing that I live with three children – one is a newborn baby, the other is a 2 year old toddler and the other is a 4 year old whose preschool now looks set to be closed until late February, I have no idea how the hell I’m going to find the time to do it all.

Looks like I’m a bit more anxious than I first thought!

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