I might possibly be writing this post with a touch of self-interest that I should probably declare in advance. I have a review column on this blog which features my critiques of the best new releases of the week. It’s called The Six On Saturday. And it carries actual reviews of tunes.

Not what large chunks of the promo receiving brigade try to pass off as a review. The other day, Todd Terry posted this tweet…

Cheers @djdemuir for the review "dope!" @djtoddterry @InHouseRecordshttps://t.co/omapct3Y9i pic.twitter.com/ubqxDJSijP

— Todd Terry (@djtoddterry) June 9, 2021

Clicking the Inflyte link included with the tweet provides a selection of… well, I don’t know what you’d call them but reviews, they are not. Sam Divine writes that it’s “dopppeee” – extra marks have to be added, I depressingly suppose, for the addition of four totally unnecessary letters to the word.

One of the better DJs that Puerto Rico has provided the world – Robbie Rivera – writes that it’s “nice”. Which is the rough equivalent of being invited to someone’s house for a Sunday roast and pretending the roset potatoes are “nice”, even though they’re burnt on the outside and still aren’t cooked inside.

But top marks here has to go to Joachim Garraud. Like a Frenchman who’s decided to go on strike just because it’s what the French sometimes do, he hasn’t even bothered to write a review. He simply wrote “thx” – and in a sign of just how enormously grateful he was to receive this free piece of music, he failed to even write the full word. Full marks for laziness, Joachim!

If you do want to see how a review is done, come onto this page around 1pm UK time tomorrow. That’s usually when the Six On Saturday column is – or you can read these columns from the archive. Todd Terry even appears in a few of them…