December 2023 has well and truly arrived – and the signs of Christmas being imminent are everywhere. Whether it’s the festive advertising everywhere, coffee shops selling special drinks with even more sugar than usual, or the fact everyone’s now pretending they actually like Christmas music, you know that the big day is coming.

Today, there are 22 days left until everyone gets to find out whether Santa has put them on the nice list or the naughty list – with a lump of coal forthcoming for those whose behaviour fell short over the past year. But for one man in Detroit, this month promises a Christmas surprise in the form of a bundle of joy.

For the man himself is set to become a father once more – Ears To The House understands that the due date is within the next few weeks. In more normal circumstances, this might be seen as wonderful news – as the American physician and philosopher Debasish Mridha said “It is a smile of a baby that makes life worth living”.

However, you might have already guessed that this isn’t exactly a traditional setup going on here – and you’d be right. The man’s happiness at the news is somewhat sapped by the fact that the woman having his child is not actually his long-term partner of some years – but is actually someone he met through a production company he’s previously worked with.

It’s currently unclear exactly how much the man intends to be involved in the unborn child’s life – although a regular Detroit source claims that “[name redacted] has always lived up to his financial obligations in all areas of life”. He might wish to ask some of his friends in the Detroit scene for their advice – at leas one of them knows a few things about having a lovechild…

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