Three years ago, the dance music world was filled with doomsayers who said that coronavirus restrictions were here to stay forever. Having been stopped from working due to nightclubs being shut, DJs like Danny Rampling began to think for themselves – and we quickly found out they weren’t very good at it.

Those same restrictions are now pretty much a thing of the past. One or two things remain, mostly in medical settings, but the likes of face masks and social distancing can now be conisgned to history. Unfortunately, all this delayed social mixing – and the inevitable amorous congress that seems to be going with it – is causing a few problems.

It appears that many people, deprived of horizontal refreshment during the pandemic, are making up for lost time – and spreading a lot of STDs in the process. In Britain, cases of syphilis are at their highest rate since 1948 and gonorrhoea cases are at the highest levels since records began in 1918.

A similar story can be seen in the USA – where syphilis, gonorrhoea, and HIV have all risen significantly in the past few years. So with all these people polishing their arse on the top sheet – that’s an old British euphemism from the 1800s – Ears To The House is going to make a prediction.

At some stage soon – it could be days away, maybe a few weeks – someone is going to write a piece that basically blames the current rise of STDs from unprotected matrimonial polka on clubbers. Now, there seems to be no evidence at present which suggests there’s any truth in this theory – but they’ll run with it anyway.

After all, this was one of the narratives when monkeypox was spreading in Europe last year. Rest assured that once someone from the World Health Organisation says something that vaguely fits the narrative, that’ll be all they need to publish – and nobody will offer any kind of defence, no matter what the truth.

Heaven forbid anyone consider it might be the more respectable sorts who have something to do with it…