I do enjoy it when you get one over a troll. Back in 2018, a singer found out I was doing a remix of one of his records, and said he was interested in hearing what I’d done. I told him it wasn’t yet finished, but sent it anyway. After telling me he hated it and dismissing its apparent lack of “harmony”, he went on to dismiss me as a “fake producer”.

I graced his Facebook page with my presence, only to discover he had a post up boasting about the fact that an instrumental version of another one of his songs was in the Traxsource charts. The fact this version contained not one syllable of his rather weak voice appeared to pass him by.

I wasn’t exactly dealing with an intellectual powerhouse here, was I?

Anyway, I have talked in the past about snobbery in the music business. It 100% exists and I’m going to call it out. A while ago, I received an email from someone complaining one of my remixes was in the wrong key. It was my remix of “Inbetween” by Richie Bradley and Minette Fourie.

As it happens, I distinctly remember asking Richie what key it was in, so I’m certain it’s in the right one. Nonetheless, he proceeded to give me possibly the worst explanation of working out the key by ear that I’ve ever seen, and mentioned that “you not knowing this stuff means you don’t know what music is”. Apparently.

Each time I encounter these people, I ask to hear their music. After a series of deflection strategies, they’re usually forced to admit they haven’t got any, or haven’t done anything in years. They’re so far up their own arses in the pursuit of a perfection that doesn’t exist that they’ve made next to the square root of nothing themselves.

Plenty of music has been made over the years where no sod knows what the key of the music is. My own “Black Dogs In Car Parks” is a case of point. I have no idea what key I made it in. I made it as a joke. Yet it’s one of my best sellers and I have yet to get any complaints about how utterly dissonant it is. And nor will I lose any sleep if I ever do.

The truth is I’ve got better things to do with my time than listening to tedious bores telling me I don’t know what music is because I have no formal training.

I just wonder if they’d have the guts to tell me such things to my face. They’d get considerably worse back than this, I can assure you.