There might still be another 40 days until Christmas, but which DJ is already in a positively Scrooge-like mood? The DJ and producer has had yet another successful year in the music business, and is feeling even more pleased with himself than usual.

With the festive season in mind and a number of gigs due to take place across December, the DJ wanted to give the audience something a little bit different to his standard fare – but was at something of a loss for a while on the specific details. Things all changed when he’d had a little bit too much to drink recently – and not for the better.

Whilst intoxicated, he ventured down to his studio and began work. Around two or three days later, he went to a meeting with his management – and sure enough, the topic of what to do for the December shows was once again mentioned by his management team.

At which point, he told them he’d come up with a solution to the ongoing problem. Whipping out a USB stick, he headed over to what our witness described as “CDJs that look like they’ve been assaulted by the Blessed Madonna”. He loaded some files, and they began to play.

In the words of our witness, “you could literally hear everyone’s toes curl up. He played this dreadful new mix of Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas’, which included a snare roll and horrific drop. His remix of ‘White Christmas’ by Bing Crosby had staffers in the building rolling over with laughter. It was so, so bad.”.

The DJ wasn’t best pleased after his management ordered him not to play them in his shows. Then again, we’re told he has a habit of defying management orders – so his unlucky fans may yet hear them…