Those of you reading Ears To The House from British shores will almost certainly have heard of Butlins – but for those of you based elsewhere, allow us to explain. Butlins are a company that have been running holiday parks since the 1940s across Britain – although by now, only three remain under very different management.

And it’s at the Butlins site in Skegness – a town on England’s eastern coast – where this story comes from. Now, we’ve had to do a few checks on this one – not least because when we first received it, we were honestly convinced it was someone’s idea of a joke.

A few days ago, two tech-house British DJs – called Sammy Porter and Patrick Nazemi – were due to play sets to the holidaymakers attending the Butlins Big Weekender event. They turned up and completed their sets – then someone had the bright idea of taking a bunch of DJ equipment to one of the chalets and holding a party in a kitchen.

They certainly enjoyed themselves – and Porter even put a video up on his X, formerly Twitter, profile about it. However, they eventually received a visit from on-site security demanding that they switch off the music – explaining “we’ve had some complaints”. Cue this curiously worded apology…

The promise to “replace the saucepan lid”, along with a pledge not to pretend that those small milk cartons – the ones you get in hotels – are actually alcohol shots. Add on the fact that the footage from the party remains online – and you get the distinct impression that this apology isn’t being entirely serious.

Even the traditional attempt at keeping things civil when saying sorry – switching off the comments – doesn’t change our minds…