What happens if you need to do a number two, though? Amelie Lens shows what rich and famous DJs do when they get a call of nature whilst working…

Higher echelon DJs have such a tough job these days. They fly around the world to gigs that they didn’t have to negotiate, play mostly the same music at each one, and collect a fat five-figure fee for their appearance. Oh, and they also have to play with their knobs on stage to give the impression to their paymasters that they’re actually doing something.

You might have gotten the idea by now that Ears To The House doesn’t take them especially seriously – and this is mostly true. Whilst the dance music press might think that DJs are the equivalent of gods, we see them as no more or no less a person than anyone else – if idolatry is what you seek, you won’t find it here.

And speaking of being the same as the rest of us, one cross that higher echelon DJs have to bear is going to the toilet. But what exactly are the logistics of answering the call of nature whilst you’re in the middle of a DJ set?

Thankfully, Amelie Lens is on hand to tell us – and here’s her guide on how to navigate this tricky situation…

So it appears to work like this – put on a longer record and brush past a load of people, with the help of security, to get to the cubicle. One then has to do the job at hand and then get back into the DJ booth – although we’re slightly concerned that Lens didn’t wash her hands in this clip.

But the real question here – and we know you’re all thinking it – is, what happens if it’s a number two? One of our regular Detroit sources can help with this one – he said “Around six years ago, I was invited by [name redacted] to see his show. He told me I could stay in the DJ booth with him.”

“Around two hours into his five hour set, he told me he needed to take a s***. The smell of farts in that booth was f***ing disgusting, so he mixed a Ricardo Villalobos track in, and off he went. It must have been a massive s***. He was gone for 25 minutes. The weird thing is in that whole time, no one even asked where he’d gone.”.

Suddenly, we now know why Ricardo Villalobos makes those ridiculously long remixes…

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